Subject: Self-introduction
Dear Mr Blackstone
I am John Det Zapanta and I am
writing to formally introduce myself. I graduated in Singapore Polytechnic (SP)
with a diploma in computer engineering; specialising in Network, Security
and Cloud Systems. Technology has always been a keen interest on mine and I
always look forward to new and innovative techs that come every year. Reading
sustainable infrastructure engineering (building services) in university may
sound like I have gone off track from my experience and interests but that
subject actually sparked my curiosity whilst studying in polytechnic.
In one of the modules I studied,
Data Centre Management, we were tasked to research on various ways to run the
data centre efficiently and at the same time ensure that the servers in the
room run in optimum state. That was where I discovered heating, ventilation and
air conditioning (HVAC) and how network engineers as well as the building
services engineers work together to orchestrate a properly working Data centre.
The use of sophisticated software to build and design buildings also drew me
in.
In terms of my communication
strengths, I was privileged to have taken the role as an auxiliary instructor
during my time in national service (NS). There, I was tasked to showcase the
various communications equipment to the trainees and demonstrate the proper use
of them. Thus, I was able to hone my ability in public speaking during my time
there.
Writing poses a great challenge
for me. I have difficulty forming proper full sentences but there are also
times when I get carried away and eventually go out of point. I think it is
because I get distracted too easily and tend to steer away from the topic at hand.
All in all, enhancing my train of
thought and the ability to express myself is added in my to-do list for this
module! I look forward to more insightful lessons in class.
Cheers
John
edited:
13/9/17
16/9/2017
21/9/2017
13/9/17
16/9/2017
21/9/2017
read(r) and commented(c):
Jonathan(r)(c)
Jickson(r)
Xun Qi(r)(c)
Zi Rui(r)
Chun Heng(r)(c)
Jonathan(r)(c)
Jickson(r)
Xun Qi(r)(c)
Zi Rui(r)
Chun Heng(r)(c)
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ReplyDeleteDear John,
ReplyDeleteReading from your post, allows me to get to know you better! I feel that your thought process is very systematic the content of your post provides informative knowledge about you.
However, I have some comments regarding the following:
1) From the first paragraph, quoting " a keen interest on mine "
should be replaced with " a keep interest of mine".
2) Quoted "In one of the module I studied"
should be replaced with "modules".
3) Quoted " the room run in optimum state."
should be added with " the room in the optimum state."
4) Quoted "engineers as well as the building services engineers " should be replaced with " engineers, as well as the building services engineers, "
I do look forward working with you in class!
Regards,
Jonathan Gan
Thank you for your kind words. I will take note and make amends. Looking forward to working with you in class too!
DeleteHi John,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your insightful post as I get to know you better. I guess army have a rather good impact on you as you get the opportunity to improve your softskills and presentation skills.
However I have some pointers that I would like to point out.
1) In 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence, you stated " that subject" which I got rather confuse at what you mean. Maybe you could think of rephrasing the particular sentence.
Maybe you could split your strength and weakness in to 2 different paragraphs it would be easier to read.
However, I feel that the content is rather insightful and a pleasant read. I believe you will be able to overcome your flaws as you continue to work on it. All the best!
Cheers,
Ronvin Tan
"that subject" to "this course"
cheers
Thank you for your kind words. I will take note and make amends.
DeleteDear John,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this formal letter. I appreciate how you paint quite a vivid picture of your interests. In particular, you do a fine job illustrating how you are passionate about technology and your experience with that. It's also interesting to learn about your NS experience. All of these experiences should provide you with a great starting point as you do project work this term in SIE2016.
In terms of your writing, I see a few minor issues:
1) ...enhancing my train of thoughts and the ability to express myself is .... >>> (subject-verb disagreement)
2) I graduated in Singapore Polytechnic (SP) with a diploma in computer engineering; specialised in Network & Security and Cloud Systems. >>> (sentence structure)
I look forward to working with your this term.
Brad
Thank you for your kind words. I will take note and make amends.
Delete